I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
