I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
