you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
