Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
