Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
