i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
