I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
