good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
