I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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