ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
