i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
