All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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