Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You were trust falling into bushes
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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