Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
