Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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