Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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