oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
