Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
