Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My dick has a subreddit
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
