Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize