Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
