I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
