who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
