so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
organizing the empties. That sober.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize