Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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