if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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