so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
