That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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