Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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