life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
