Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
