Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
