My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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