I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
