i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
if only i could text you this smell
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
