maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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