I accidentally burped into my bong.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
