I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
