she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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