The maid of honor just puked.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
