I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
cat food counts as protein by the way
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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