how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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