it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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