Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
