i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
