I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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