We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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