the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
