So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
