I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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