Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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