Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
