if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
