I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
