It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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