it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
