I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
