no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
