Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
