Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
