I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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