need another drink. this is the easiest way
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
