If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We got so high we made milksteak
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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