I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
