I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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