dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
