Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize