I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
