i don't like sucking hair
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
where are you?
Hypothermia
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
